I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
