im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
