he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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