I wish I could teleport
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
