Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
