I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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