im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize