Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
