he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
