it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
