That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize