Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
