i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
