i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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