i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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