There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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