Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
