what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
