So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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