I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
