I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
