i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
home. puking in laundry basket.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize