i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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