Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
