How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
