I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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