i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
