After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
