Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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