I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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