i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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