Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
