my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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