You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
