I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
