do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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