Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
