I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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