My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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