She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
