We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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