there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
