ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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