i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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