It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
