There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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