I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
