You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
