She is in my trunk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i dont even know how to be here
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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