oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
