i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
