Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
