I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
