Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
