We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
