Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
