if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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