Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
