You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
