The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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