you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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