The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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