Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
