I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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