if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
