I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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