Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
