she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
