my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
