I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
