i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
