Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
