Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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