I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
