Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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