Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
