K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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