SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize