ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Soap is not a condiment
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
