I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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