I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
