Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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