I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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