remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
