Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
