The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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