Soap is not a condiment
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
