8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
