she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize