I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize