Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
