I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
