Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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