does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
