Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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