i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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