FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize