All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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