i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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