Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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