Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
