He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
