I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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