stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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