gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I touched a dick in church today
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
