just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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