mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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