He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
