So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
