is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My vagina is officially offended.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
